3/31/2017

The name's Bungo McGarnagle. People come up to me all the time and ask, "Bungo, how did you get that name?" I say to them, "I got it because my parents named me." Then they say to me, "Bungo, why are you drunk in the alley behind Safeway again?" I say, "Bleeearrgh," and then throw up on their shoes.

You're probably asking yourself how I got to by GM of the New Fucking York Fucking Yankees Fucking. That's a good question too. It comes down to connections and who you know. For example, one time I was sleeping on a bench in Central Park and who do I see but Brian Cashman.

Brian Cashman, if you don't know, was the GM of the Yankees.

Now, Brian is a nice guy. So I when I see him put on a rabbit costume and go rustling around in the bushes with three or four people dressed like characters from Sonic the Hedgehog, I take notice. I also take video.

He leaves and goes back to work, and so I send him an email. I include a few stills of the video and tell him, "Hey, I would like to do your job or I'll release the video." Cupla phone calls later and bingo bango Bungo! I'm GM of the Yankees and Brian Cashman is my assistant!

Now, Brian is like, "Hey, I'll do the transactions and you can get all the money," but I'm like, "No way Juan!" I'll do the transactions, otherwise what's the point? He whimpered a little bit, but then I said, "Let's not split HARES." He looked at me funny and I had to explain that I was talking about rabbits. I guess it didn't translate well to speech.

So Bungo's got a job now! Suck it, guy on Fifth Avenue who said I'd never amount to anything just because I was taking a shit on the curb!